Tuesday, May 26, 2015

Do You Value Yourself


Sunday, May 24, 2015

Loss

I spent yesterday with my dear friend helping her organize her mother in laws house as we prepare for an estate sale. We had a great day laughing and talking about life as we added to our piles of her mother in laws life. Once the piles were in order and the truck filled, we were able to sit down for lunch. Our conversation this time was about her mother who has been hanging on in hospice since December. But why, we questioned. This woman was an activist, a humanitarian, always a fighter for human rights. She was tired though and had stated months before that she wanted to go home. We both had our own scenario of why she was hanging on, but both of us had no real understanding of why. It's a riddle that we will never know the answer to.  I believe that's the way God wants it, so I just walk in faith and accept that.

Later that evening I received a text from my friend saying that hospice called and they didn't think her mother was going to make it. I responded with I'm sorry and I'm praying for you. I know that although we know in our heart that it's time for them to go - there's mixed emotions in all of it. Bottom line, loss hurts.

 
This morning I received the text that she passed away. My heart broke because I know that my friend is hurting. She knows it was time, but knowing that you won't see your loved one in the flesh leaves a hole in our heart. When my mother passed away I wondered if one day I would lose the image of her that I carried in my mind. I also wondered if I would forget the sound of her voice and the things that she said that made me laugh. Those things were important to me and I prayed that they wouldn't leave me. I'm happy to say 5 years later my memeories are still with me. I pray the same for my friend.

“Death leaves a heartache no one can heal, love leaves a memory no one can steal."






Friday, May 22, 2015

Piles in Life



My dear friend lost her mother in law a few months ago. I met up with her last weekend to help her clean out her house so it can be put up for sale. First of all, I fell in love with the house from the moment I pulled up. I could feel the energy that this home held, from family gatherings to neighbors passing by. It's the kind of house that you want to drink coffee on the front porch in the morning sitting on one of the rockers, and drink lemonade in the afternoon on the porch swing. It has all the charm of country living even though you're in the city. I fell in love with it!

As we started going through items in her bedroom and bathroom creating a pile for Goodwill, one for an estate sale, a trash pile, and a take home stack, I started thinking this is what the end of our life is really like. There's family members that are forced to make decisions on what to dispose of and what to keep. All of the things that you worked for and love go in one of the piles upon your demise. It was a sad thought for me.

I always go through a purging stage and question why I hold on to some things. I feel that I should be giving away now while I can see my family enjoy the things that have brought me joy, but I also question why I even care what happens to it. I did come to the decision as I was job searching yesterday and thinking about what state I want to move to - when my husband and I move it will be our clothes, our bed, and our fur babies that will come on our new journey - the rest can be left behind. Maybe I'm feeling this way because I have this overwhelming sense of starting over and living a simple life without all of the stuff, or maybe the thought of my life being sorted into piles is too much for me to think about right now.

Whatever the real reason is behind my decision to leave it all behind I guess really isn't that important since the thought of doing so has relieved some anxiety and has brought peace within me.

Looking forward to the day!


Keep dreaming, stay curious, and love life!

Wednesday, May 20, 2015

I'm Back!

When I say I'm back the next thing that pops into my head is, that's why they call me Slim Shady, but on a serious note, I'm back to blogging. Girl say hallelujah! Okay, enough of all the lyrics in my head.

The reason that I quit blogging for a bit is because life happened. I was taking care of my granddaughter and a newborn grandson. I was still dealing with the ups and downs of having an addict in my home, and fighting battles that weren't really mine to fight. There was still a lot going on and plenty to say in the Murraytalk world, but my inner Murray had to stop and listen for awhile. I needed time to pray, meditate, and reflect on my life. I'm a fixer, and I knew that I needed to stop trying to fix. Things may not be the way I want, but everyone is walking their own journey and all I can do is pray that they're safe, and that they learn the lessons along the way. So I  changed my priorities and worked on what was best for me - I owed it to myself.

During my hiatus I wrote a book - everyone should write their story regardless if you get it published. In writing my story it brought me clarity and led me on the path of furthering my education to get my Life Coaching Certification. (which taught me even more about myself)  I gained a better understanding of everything that's happened in my life, and grew as a person during the process.

 Thus far I am extremely happy and excited about the path that I am on. I'm walking in faith and receiving great joy in doing so. We all have a purpose in life and I'm thankful that I have found mine.


So here's to new beginnings and sharing my life once again.

Until next time!

Monday, January 5, 2015

Racism In My Neighborhood

I seldom talk about racism, but today I need to vent because an incident occurred that is ridiculous to me considering it's 2015.

Let me begin by saying that I am bi-racial. Native American, Black, Mexican, and European. Apparently I have an exotic enough look that most people aren't sure what nationality I am, but it's obvious that I'm not Caucasian. I did marry a man that is Caucasian so of course my children are bi-racial as well. One other thing that should be noted before I begin to vent is that I started school in the 60's and have no memory of racism being directed at me.
 Now time to vent..I live in a neighborhood that is predominately Caucasian, which of course makes the schools in the area not racially balanced. I remember going to the elementary school that I'm speaking of to register my children several years ago and the secretary asking me several times if I was sure that I lived in the neighborhood. (I am intelligent enough to know where I live) That was enough for me to make the decision to not put my kids in the school. Unfortunately, they did end up attending 5th and 6th grade due to changes in the school that they were attending. Anyway, my daughters roommate has a daughter that is bi-racial and she registered her in the school that I tried so hard to stay away from. Her daughter is in 3rd grade and has been coming home since day 1 saying that kids are telling her that she's ugly because she's brown, and that they don't play with brown kids. Today my daughter went to the school to drop lunch off to her and witnessed these little darlings saying that they're not allowed to play with her because she's brown and that they don't sit with colored kids. When my daughter called me upset my comment was, "what did you expect?" It's disgusting and ridiculous that a young child has to be exposed to that, but that is the mentality of many in my neighborhood. I'm embarrassed to be a part of this community.
I'm so tired of people posting on social sites about love and unity when they're living a lie. It's easy to pretend on social media that you believe in humanity, but live something different behind closed doors. Your children are a witness to the truth - they repeat what they're hearing.

My thought is if you're a racist own it so we all know what we're dealing with and can make an intelligent decision on how we want to handle it.

Lip Sync Battle with Joseph Gordon Levitt, Stephen Merchant and Jimmy Fa...


I just came across this - love it!

Saturday, January 3, 2015

My Prayer List

The past few years I've written a prayer list that I pray off of daily. Last night I pulled out my 2014 prayer list and read through it before tossing it. All though several of my prayers had been answered, I was extremely happy and excited  that my good friend that I had been praying for her finances was answered. In December she inherited a good sum of money. I couldn't wait to text her and tell her about my prayer list and remind her of how good God is. It was a good reminder for me as well since during my life journey I sometimes feel that my prayers aren't  heard or relevant enough to receive answers. I was over joyed to be reminded that this is not the case.
It restored more faith in me and reminded me of His promise.

I have started a new list for 2015 and can't wait to witness the answered prayers. I love writing down what and whom I'm praying for because the results are such a blessing for me.

Peace, Love, & Hugs!